The last few months I have been on a bit of a journey... unfortunately it hasn't always been much of a pleasurable experience... one of those journeys that at times you wish you hadn't embarked on... not at all like a lovely relaxing holiday but sometimes we just don't have much of a choice either!
It has definately had a lot of ups and downs and looking back over those few months... even though it was extremely tough at times and in some areas it still is... I must say that I am thankful to have survived this far!
It started out as one of the most joyous moments of my life... up there on that mountain top... I had just had our first baby after trying for over five years. However, after a few months I began to feel not quite myself and had to come to the conclusion that post natal anxiety truly was a real thing in my life. I never would have expected that after such a long time waiting to have a baby that I would be one who would experience this... but I was. It was certainly a time of testing in mnay areas of my life. I loved my little boy with all of my heart... there is no other love quite like it... and I didn't understand why God would allow this to happen to me. All I really wanted was to be able to enjoy my boy... be happy... and not stress so much... surely that wasn't too much to ask!
Apart from the anxiety, my faith was also being tested in other areas as well and to this day it still is in some ways.
I was reading something yesterday which I wished I had read about four or five months ago...
"Even though I walk through the valley..."
It does say 'walk through' doesn't it?? That must mean that this isn't the end of my journey... it's not my final destination... I must keep on walking and not camp out in the valley. There have definately been itmes when it might have been very tempting to find a nice relaxing resort and just hang out there for the rest of my life, give up and forget about everything... except my little boy of course... but God wants me and you to keep on going cause while we are 'walking through' our valley, He is doing an amazing work in our lives. It may seem like it will never end but it will... when God is finished with us... finished doing the refining that we need to go to the next level.
I don't know about you but I want to get to the end of my valley and not have to go through it again because I tried to take the easy way. So, I'm just going to hang onto God as tight as I can and trust inHim until I reach that next mountain top. I also think that perhaps the resorts up there might be a whole lot better anyway!!
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"