Friday, January 27

If only...

This morning I was sitting on the floor enjoying playing with my gorgeous little bubba and then I watched him as he rolled and rolled around the floor on the carpet until he glimpsed my cat's paw temptingly dangling over the edge of the lounge chair.  He suddenly stopped rolling and stayed on his tummy, straining his head up as high as he could to try and look up and see the cat.  I could just imagine what he might have been thinking as he kept on looking and stretching up on his hands as much as possible... 'if only I could get up there'... 'if only I could reach up that high'

Right at this point in my life, I know that is what I have been thinking and I'm sure you know what I am talking about.  We all know what we would like for our lives... we all have many dreams and desires that seem 'just' out of reach and we think 'if only I could get there'... 'if only I could have that'...

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having those dreams but just like my bubba who obviously has a few stages of development to go through before he can climb up onto that lounge chair to harrass the cat, perhaps God needs to develop and grow us before we can achieve some of our goals and desires.

Perhaps because if we had a million dollars right now we would squander it becuase we haven't yet learnt how to be completely diligent with the thousands that we already have... or if God allowed us to have that position of authority too early we might become a bit proud because we haven't quite grasped that humble attitude He is looking for.

Whatever our dream is and whatever God is doing in our lives takes time... time to build character, time to bring change, time to make us stronger.

I know without a shadow of doubt that one day my boy will be chasing the cat around the entire house but for now he has to just enjoy watching as he goes through a few more growth spurts and as the saying goes... "We need to learn to walk before we can run!"

"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears"
Philippians 1:6

Thursday, January 19

Need a vacation...

The last few months I have been on a bit of a journey... unfortunately it hasn't always been much of a pleasurable experience... one of those journeys that at times you wish you hadn't embarked on... not at all like a lovely relaxing holiday but sometimes we just don't have much of a choice either!

It has definately had a lot of ups and downs and looking back over those few months... even though it was extremely tough at times and in some areas it still is... I must say that I am thankful to have survived this far!

It started out as one of the most joyous moments of my life... up there on that mountain top... I had just had our first baby after trying for over five years.  However, after a few months I began to feel not quite myself and had to come to the conclusion that post natal anxiety truly was a real thing in my life.  I never would have expected that after such a long time waiting to have a baby that I would be one who would experience this... but I was.  It was certainly a time of testing in mnay areas of my life.  I loved my little boy with all of my heart... there is no other love quite like it... and I didn't understand why God would allow this to happen to me.  All I really wanted was to be able to enjoy my boy... be happy... and not stress so much... surely that wasn't too much to ask!

Apart from the anxiety, my faith was also being tested in other areas as well and to this day it still is in some ways.

I was reading something yesterday which I wished I had read about four or five months ago...

"Even though I walk through the valley..."

It does say 'walk through' doesn't it??  That must mean that this isn't the end of my journey... it's not my final destination... I must keep on walking and not camp out in the valley.  There have definately been itmes when it might have been very tempting to find a nice relaxing resort and just hang out there for the rest of my life, give up and forget about everything... except my little boy of course... but God wants me and you to keep on going cause while we are 'walking through' our valley, He is doing an amazing work in our lives.  It may seem like it will never end but it will... when God is finished with us... finished doing the refining that we need to go to the next level.

I don't know about you but I want to get to the end of my valley and not have to go through it again because I tried to take the easy way.  So, I'm just going to hang onto God as tight as I can and trust inHim until I reach that next mountain top.  I also think that perhaps the resorts up there might be a whole lot better anyway!!

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"
Romans 8:28